So London is getting snow right now, and we’re here just making do with slightly cool breezes. Boring. Not that I’m surprised, because all the weather around here is unpleasant or boring, or totally unpredictable. There’s no happy medium of it just being pleasant, not for long.

Really, I think from my one year living here, the best way to survive Melbourne is just to buy a really nice home with all the amenities. Double-glazing to keep out the heat, air conditioning to keep you cool inside, efficient heating services to make you feel warm and toasty in the winter, and a decent system that can change on a whim. Maybe also a pool. And a tin roof, because rain on a tin roof is just lovely when you’re trying to sleep.

I don’t know where you’d find THAT combo, however. I know there are property advocates in Melbourne to help you out with all your buying needs, but I’d feel bad handing them a list of things that just don’t go together. “So yeah, I’d like a really large home, but it’s not too expensive to heat, or keep cool. I want it to be modern, spacious and look impressive from the outside, but it also has a tin roof. A large garden, but also one that’s easy to maintain, because often the weather will be such that I really don’t even want to go outside and I don’t want it turning into a jungle. Oh, and it both retains the heat in winter, then releases it in summer.”

Yeah, I’m the quintessential nightmare client. Those ones that the buyers advocates would be very polite to, because they’re professional and very good at dealing with the public, but then they go home and cry themselves to sleep because I’m just impossible. Guess I’ll just have to deal with the heat of summer and the frosts of winter like everyone else. The buyers advocate professionals in Melbourne have enough on their plates dealing with that, without me knocking down my door and asking for a home that doesn’t exist.