My father-in-law is coming to town next week, and I am terrified. You see, I’ve been…well, fibbing about my level of gardening prowess. We talk once a week and he always asks how my garden is growing. We don’t have anything else in common so I’ve been telling him about how wonderful the garden is blooming and the new plans I have.  He sends my husband photos in the post of his garden in Japan to share with me. He is a lovely man, I can’t handle the thought of letting him down and upsetting my husband.

See, the way I talk about myself, and the way my husband talks about me, you’d think I was blessed with gardening tips from heaven’s own back garden. Flowering Gladioli varieties, healthy Japanese maples, a lawn so neatly manicured it’s practically a lush carpet of vitality.

Yeah, well, I have none of those things. In fact, up until last week, my garden was a dirt patch and some overgrown grass surrounded by weeds. I couldn’t even keep the grass alive.

When I found out my father in law was coming to down I panicked! I knew I had to think fast. I got myself some help and consulted a garden landscaper to plant a bunch of Summer flowering bulbs. I even hunted around to find the right flowers that sort of matched the colour scheme I was going for. So I kind of have a garden now…but I’m worried that my father-in-law will know.

He has the senses of a hawk, and I’m wondering if he’ll be able to tell that the place has only recently been dug up. There’s also the issue of keeping everything alive until then, which I’m not sure I even know how to do. And what if he watches me while I garden? I’ll do it all wrong, and then he’ll know! Finally, there’s the new flower patch. I have nightmares about him getting down on his hands and knees and realising my treachery. My web of lies is about to come crashing down.