The Adelaide heat is out of control

Adelaide air conditioningThis whole situation with Marie is starting to stress me out. Her cooling system is out of action, apparently, and she is waiting until the off-season to do anything about it. This means that when Pat, the kids and I visit for her New Year’s Eve celebrations, we are going to be housed in inhumanely hot conditions. Of course, I did not hear this news from Marie herself. I had a chat to Adelaide, her adult daughter. How Adelaide managed to become a well-adjusted adult is beyond me. I do try to get along with Marie seeing as she is my sister-in-law, but she is not exactly the most agreeable person. On the matter of air conditioning, Adelaide completely agrees with me. She thinks her mother is being inconsiderate, making no effort to understand that the heat affects me greatly. I am really trying to be grateful that Marie has kindly agreed to invite the family to celebrate New Year’s Eve.

However, as I learnt the hard way from my positive thinking phase, it is not enough to believe that everything will be sorted out. Positive thinking needs to be combined with positive actions in order to achieve the result you want. This applies to everything, from weight loss, to learning to juggle, to dealing with your mildly irritating sister-in-law. So in cahoots with her daughter, I hatched a plan to ensure that my trip to Marie’s will not involve sweating in a hotbox.

To try to get Marie to organise the air conditioning repairs, Adelaide has been visiting her mother often and commenting that it is uncomfortably warm inside her house. It does feel a little silly to have to plot to get Marie to do anything about the cooling situation. However, I feel like I have no choice as asking her nicely has only been met with derision. I will continue to present a positive front to Marie and maybe it will one day rub off onto her.

Round and Round We Go

air conditioning repairs MelbourneI just LOVE it when we waste our time in meetings with stuff that’s already done. ‘Appliances’ was on the agenda tonight, which I thought was weird because we already sorted all that. We got three fridges, a dedicated laundry room for any delegate who needs to use it, a fully-equipped kitchen…what else do we need? I even got on some guys in Melbourne who do air con repairs, because they’re coming down to the expo and they can sort us out if anything goes bust. See how well-connected I am? Mm-hmm, I’ve got all of this under control. And then it comes up in the meeting and Sharlene’s all like ‘We gotta sort out getting’ air con for the kitchen.’

Sharlene, we got that stuff fixed up ages ago. Remember, you were there? Or maybe you were checking out your nails at the time. I swear this girl has no brains or memory whatsoever. Makes me wonder what her home life is like. If her air conditioner is busted or the fridge goes out, what does she do? Wait three weeks until all the food is mouldy and then maybe suggest to her husband that they need some repairs? I’m just hoping that her husband fills in her mental gaps, because otherwise those kids aren’t getting any proper nutrition.

I can imagine it…the fridge off, flies buzzing around. Surely, as the chairwoman, Sharlene can at least make an effort to remember anything we’ve said. Or better still, she could actually go down to the venue and check what we got before she wastes all our time pointless meetings. I had it all under control, air con repairs, all the services. I had important stuff to discuss, she just cuts across and asks me if I can double check my contacts for air conditioning in Melbourne. See, they’re fine Sharlene. Maybe we need to get some repairs for that hole in your head- a lot of important stuff appears to be leaking out.

Dry Needling, an Aussie Trend

Sydney dry needling coursesHi guys!

Alright, here’s what you probably want to know first: people here just don’t understand Wales. I’d say about 50% of people I talk to know it’s a real country (and everyone asks, because the accent is one they’ve never heard). The rest have sort of heard of it, but think it’s a county in England or an island somewhere. I’ve given up explaining that it’s part of the UK, but also its own country with its own culture, language…it’s easier just to say I’m from Wales and study their panicked reaction as they try to figure out what that is. Also, fun.

Anyway, work is pretty cool! I work for a sports club that organises all kinds of therapy, for both mental stress and physical injury. Anything the athletes need to get them back on their feet. Basically, it’s looking like Sydney dry needling courses are the popular at the moment. A few of the physiotherapists we have working here have been sent off to learn how to dry needle in those courses, and they seem to come back with positive experiences. Not sure if this has reached the British Isles as of yet…haven’t really heard of it much at home, but I guess if it’s that popular it’ll get there. I hear they also run courses in New Zealand, which I guess is a place I with which I feel some kinship. Their accents are often mistaken for Australian, when they’re travelling anyway (the guys in the office say that an Aussie would never make that mistake. Guess I’ll take their word for it, because at the moment they do sound really similar to me).

So that’s life; booking dry needling courses across Australia, looking over resumes of physios and other people who do stuff like that, before I give them to the boss of course. And a whole bunch of people asking where I’m from and then immediately regretting it. I’m guessing I shouldn’t bring Welshcakes into the office.

-Wyn

Conveyancing, and the Building of Repute

conveyancing RichmondHello, Mother and Father,

I hope this missive finds you well. I am indeed the same, having arrived in Australia with minimal fuss and relatively little paperwork. I am still growing used to the natives and their strange tongue- one particularly confusing instance had my sponsor using ‘yeah, nah’ as a means of denial, and ‘nah, yeah’ as a means of confirmation- but otherwise, they are good people. Salt of the Earth, one may even say.

As I requested, Father, I have been placed in an industry as befitting as those of our class, namely that of real estate and property management. In my local suburb of Cheltenham, conveyancing appears to be the flavour of the month, and I deal with them regularly (even if this is of the fetching coffee variety of service…one must start somewhere, I suppose). Conveyancing is a fascinating science when one looks at the documents, of which there are many. One person moves out of a home, another moves in. The vacated party must find somewhere else, if they have no already. What are you to do if no suitable place presents itself? That, I suppose, is where estate agents come in.

Conveyancers are those who handle the legal documentation and make the transition smooth, as it is said. Obviously you are well-versed in these things, Father, being a property mogul and obscenely rich because of it. No doubt you deal with conveyancers in London on a regular basis, so those in Melbourne operate on more or less the same principles.

I would not know. Most of my tasks have been of the fetching variety. However, I have been told that I shall soon be moving up to shredding, photocopying and, if I prove my skill, filing. That’s the goal, anyway. Apparently there place that does conveyancing in Richmond, and they are in need of a filer. You always told me to set goals for myself to achieve greatness, Mother and Father. So this is now my goal.

-Brighton

No Job, Ask Again Later

marine fabricationHey, family.

Tell Grandma thanks for sending me the knitted jumper- it’s summer now, but Melbourne can get chilly during the summer so I got a lot of use out of it. The house is…alright. I can’t really explain to someone who hasn’t lived here, but the other guys definitely aren’t bad people. They’re just really busy with jobs and girlfriends and stuff, so I don’t see them too often. Graham is probably my best friend here, since he tried to get me a job at his work and he always asks me how I’m settling into Australia. He said he actually wants to visit Colorado, so I’m doing my best to dissuade him!

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with Melbourne’s marine fabrication industry. In fact, it’s a real booming business, and in the interviews I’ve had the place is bustling. Sort of like being down at the docks in New York, but…not.  I guess I should be glad that the industry has standards for experience and all that, because that’s what they keep telling me: I need more hours on the job. But then I think…how do I get hours on the job if I can’t GET  job? What’ll probably happen is that I’ll look for a position lower down in one of the companies, or maybe just work around the docks. I just applied for a barista job at the marina and they seemed pretty interested…so good thing I had that job at Joe’s before I moved to the city.

Melbourne coffee standards are REALLY high, but mostly in the inner city; I don’t think they care quite so much on the fringes. Plus I need to learn more about how to drive a plate alloy boat that my uncle is going to give me. At least that’s one thing I can do. I’ll keep my ear to the ground, find out is anyone is in need of some marine welding, maybe show them some of my custom rod holders…and just maybe I’ll get a job in my actual industry before I have to come home. Guess it helps that Melbourne is pretty cool in general.

-Clark

Anyone Care to Chat About Marine Fabrication?

marine weldingHi Gran!

Hope you actually get this, because I specifically remember fixing your internet last time I was there. So long as you haven’t unplugged anything…and remember, I’m not back until June and Agnes next door is not a reliable source of technical information. I’m not even sure she has internet.

So I said I’d do it, and the travel company helped me achieve it: I’ve got a job on a boat! Nothing exciting, but I’m pretty excited about it regardless. I’m working in a cafe/bar on board a small cruise ship. We dock into Melbourne every evening, so it’s more of a day cruise thing for rich people. I get to wear a bow tie and a waistcoat, and every asks me if I’m from Ireland then gets embarrassed when I say Scotland. It’s fun.

You should see the welding industry they have here; Grandpa would’ve loved it. Just marine welding all over the place, massive machines doing their thing and plate alloy boats coming in and out all the time. I guess now that the warmer weather is approaching, people will be out on the water a bit more, living the life and soaking up the rays. So, not quite like back in Aberdeen. No one else in the share house seems to be much into plate aluminium boats, but then my job only caters to people who are a bit more well off. Plus I’m not about to talk someone’s ear off about marine stainless steel fabrication, and how my grandfather was a juggernaut of the industry. I mean, unless they ASK about that stuff. Maybe someone will when I’m at work.

So I guess that’s life at the moment. Hanging out at the bar, serving people drinks, watching them install their fishing rod holders and have a good old time. Golly, it’s been a while since I went fishing…maybe I can rope some of my housemates into that instead.

-Kieran

The Magic of Lasers and Hair Removal

anti wrinkle injections MelbourneHello, Mother and Father!

The company has been good enough to give me access to a computer, so that I can send you an electronic piece of mail. I’ve now flown in a plane, I live in a place where the lights turn on when I want them to and then there are the shops. People call them supermarkets, and they are indeed super, for they seem to go on forever with everything you could possibly want to buy. Marvellous!

In any case, I’m doing well. The answers I gave on my form placed me in the category of beauty and such, so I’ve been taking a tour around Melbourne’s laser hair removal clinics and all sorts of similar places. Of course, I still don’t know what that is or how it works. A laser, so I’m told, is like a beam of light but more powerful. So you zap a person with this beam and all the hair goes away. Fascinating. I’ve been asked what kind of beauty treatments we have in Albajeria, which I can’t full answer since our family lives far outside the city on the slopes of the mountain. However, I tell them that my main job in the village was to prepare people for special events- weddings, funerals, sky ceremonies, all of that- and so most of my work was done with mixing berries with roots, creating my own mixtures and removing hair via a straight razor that I had to sharpen every day.

Needless to say, they find all this very confusing. Their technology really is astounding, from the cosmetic tattooing with needles and such, all the way to their anti wrinkle injections. Still a bit confused as to why people would want to remove wrinkles, as so far as I know none of the elders of our village have ever complained about them or said they cause pain. There’s much to learn about Melbourne, anti wrinkle treatments and…this thing they do where they take digital pictures of themselves with their arms outstretched! Oh, how it baffles me. But they are an exciting people, and there is much to learn in both work and play. I think I shall enjoy my time here!

-Lerran

Air Con Woes In Scorching Perth

Perth air con serviceI can’t say that I’ve ever really been a fan of hot weather. I really much prefer to have things that quite cool, winter being my favourite season. I would much rather be too cold than too hot. I would much rather be neither actually, if I can indeed help it. I would love to be an even temperature all year round but that isn’t a reality. I would love to be the only person in the room who was not sweating. I would just adore having that kind of power. In any case, I am going to get in touch with the air conditioning repair company in Perth so that I can get this whole situation sorted out. There isn’t really anything else I can do in the meantime. I’m sitting in shorts on the floor dreaming about how cool my home will be once the air conditioner is fixed up. I don’t know why it is broken, but I blame my flatmate Sarah. I will have to confront her about it another time, when my brain is not boiling over and turning into hot sludge.

I find it hard to think when it’s hot enough to fry an egg on the top of my skull. I can’t wait for the air con repair crew to fix up the problem that I’ve have been having for close to a week now. Basically I have been the sweatiest man in the town for close to a week, I may be exaggerating but it’s not far off. It feels like have living this inferno for ages, and I want more than anything to be icy cool again. I miss my lovely air conditioning, Perth is the hottest place in Australia and is unbearable without the help of a cooling system. I can’t remember why I decided to move to Perth but I think it’s time I reevaluated that decision.

Listen to Conveyancers, not Gurus

Melbourne property advocatesThat’s it: December the 20th approaches, and that’s when I can finish my Nomad Challenge. It all started when I was dragged along to a conference by my old girlfriend, who was into all kinds of new-age stuff. Guru Lakim was hosting, and the whole thing was about ‘releasing your earthly tethers and letting yourself be carried away on the breeze of change and good vibes’.

I’m sorry to say that I was utterly smitten. I don’t know, maybe I was in a vulnerable position, hating my job and just wanting life to be more exciting, but I fell head over heels for everything he said, and I dcided to transform my life. The girlfriend was the first thing to go, because she refused to eat purely organic. I then gave up my bed, and figured…hey, why not spend a year without a roof? Roofing is a symbol of the man.

So yeah, I’m meeting with conveyancers in Cheltenham tomorrow. I only just managed to stick it this far, and…well, I’m embarrassed to have undertaken the journey, even though it taught me so much. Namely that roofing is NOT  symbol of the man, but a thing that handily keeps the rain off you. Conveyancers are NOT part of a conspiracy to keep you anchored to the economy and the government, but instead are just solicitors doing their jobs. What else did Guru Lakim say? Oh yeah…so personal hygiene. It’s really for your own good, as well as th
e good of those around you. I really do think that humans were meant to be clean.

That reminds me, I have that conveyancer appointment tomorrow and I need to find a shower somewhere. Maybe there are some former friends who’ll take pity. This year of living in bushes and ditches…I’ve realised that owning a home is the ultimate in security. I don’t just want a roof; I want a roof that I OWN. And I’d visit every conveyancer in Carlton to Carnegie until I found the perfect home setup. But…hopefully I just need one.

-Sammy

Stylish office design is essential

Melbourne office fitoutsI know office fitouts are usually reserved for places of business…however, that is exactly what my personal small office is. Besides, the size of the place is rather comparable to your average office of thirty or so people, so I feel a bit of renovation is justified.

This has become a rather regular occurrence for me over the last few years, as one becomes rather tired of the same drab surroundings when one must look at them every day! Previously I sought our specialist renovators, but with the Melbourne office fitouts industry growing so much in recent times, I thought I’d perhaps give them a trial. Try before you buy, as they say, because if a satisfactory job is performed I will be purchasing the entire industry post-haste. I know a good business practice when I see one, and this seems promising. We shall see.

In the meantime, I’ve had quite some time to think of what I’d like done with the place. I’m quite fond of the marble staircase; however, I know such a thing is not a regular fixture in offices, and thus may not fall under the jurisdiction of professional fitout agents. This is a flaw I will correct once I’m in control of the industry, of course. I know for a fact that sweeping marble staircases are a simple, elegant way to assure clients that you make obscene amounts of money, and not orange sofas as prevalent in tech startups. Mark my words…if I purchase a tech company, the first order of business is to comb through all their offices and cast their orange sofas into the furnace.
They are then replaced with more professional leather, often coloured white to remind all the employees that they work for a serious place of business and not a funhouse. I have standards, and whatever the best commercial office fitouts Melbourne has to offer I will allow them into my office promptly. If I see a hint of orange, our partnership is over.