I awoke in a strange glass cylinder, unsure where I was. The last thing I remembered was being struck by my own brass grenade and falling to the ground in a recently cleaned sewer. How long had it been? Hours? Days? What if years had passed, and I’d been in a coma the whole time?

Looking down at myself, I knew that couldn’t be the case. I had no life support systems connected to me. No wires putting fluid into my body. I lay within a cylinder, the air inside extremely breathable. It was nice, in all honesty. Beside me was a handle, so I could easily open it up.

I looked around the room and realised I must have been receiving hyperbaric therapy near Melbourne. That could be the only explanation. After all, there was a map of Victoria on the wall and a small book on a table near me. The book had the title, ‘Hyperbarics and You’. I climbed out of the hyperbaric chamber and flicked through the book, learning a bit about the treatment I was receiving. 

Where were Space Wizard, Frankie and Jack Zebraman? Were they alright? I hoped that Evil Space Wizard hadn’t hurt them. If he had, I’d destroy him on my own. But as I thought about it, the door to my left opened, and Frankie stepped into the room. Her mouth turned to a beaming smile as she saw me there, and she ran forward, arms outstretched.

She threw herself into an embrace, and I returned it. “I was so worried about you, Bandit,” she said.

“I’m okay,” I replied. “Where are the others? Did they survive the attack?”

Frankie nodded. “We’ve continued cleaning the sewers since then. We’re almost done, actually. It’s only a matter of time before Sewer Wizard challenges us to the final battle. We can almost end this thing. It will be easier with you helping us, though.”

I pushed myself up, heading toward the door. “No time to lose, then. Let’s get ready for the things to come.”

I sat by Bandit as he slept in the hyperbaric chamber, recovering from his magical healing. He’d been asleep, or possibly unconscious, for days now and we weren’t sure when he would wake up. Dr Klaus assured us that he would wake up eventually, but given the severity of Bandit’s wounds, it could take a while.

I hoped it would be soon. We couldn’t afford to wait much longer before our confrontation with Evil Space Wizard. Eventually, the sewers would get dirty again and all our effort to clean them would be for nothing. My evil other half was born in the sewers, and so he needs to return there regularly to maintain his power. It was too dangerous to send anybody back down there since Evil Space Wizard could attack again.

Our only choice was to hope Bandit would recover through hyperbaric medicine. Near Melbourne, people were in danger from Sewer Wizard, as we were starting to call him. It was kind of confusing to call myself Space Wizard and my other half Evil Space Wizard. Besides, he wasn’t even created in space, like me. He was created in the sewers, so that makes him Sewer Wizard.

Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked here. What was I saying? I was pretty much just recapping information that has already been said before, right? But when you’re working with a form as short as this, it’s kind of important to fill people in, just in case they’re jumping into the post without any previous knowledge.

So yeah, I was sitting next to Bandit, waiting for him to recover. I started thinking about all the fun times we had together, while I was liquified. Those Next Top Office days were the best. Really the highlight of my time on Earth, ever since my deep-space hibernation was disturbed. Maybe I should get back to that, once we deal with Sewer Wizard. If I complete one thousand years of meditation, I ascend to become a deity, so that’s pretty cool. It’s just such a long time. I don’t know if I can be bothered. Besides, Earth isn’t that bad. I should probably just stay here.

– Space Wizard

Hi guys!

Alright, here’s what you probably want to know first: people here just don’t understand Wales. I’d say about 50% of people I talk to know it’s a real country (and everyone asks, because the accent is one they’ve never heard). The rest have sort of heard of it, but think it’s a county in England or an island somewhere. I’ve given up explaining that it’s part of the UK, but also its own country with its own culture, language…it’s easier just to say I’m from Wales and study their panicked reaction as they try to figure out what that is. Also, fun.

Anyway, work is pretty cool! I work for a sports club that organises all kinds of therapy, for both mental stress and physical injury. Anything the athletes need to get them back on their feet. Basically, it’s looking like Sydney dry needling courses are the popular at the moment. A few of the physiotherapists we have working here have been sent off to learn how to dry needle in those courses, and they seem to come back with positive experiences. Not sure if this has reached the British Isles as of yet…haven’t really heard of it much at home, but I guess if it’s that popular it’ll get there. I hear they also run courses in New Zealand, which I guess is a place I with which I feel some kinship. Their accents are often mistaken for Australian, when they’re travelling anyway (the guys in the office say that an Aussie would never make that mistake. Guess I’ll take their word for it, because at the moment they do sound really similar to me).

So that’s life; booking dry needling courses across Australia, looking over resumes of physios and other people who do stuff like that, before I give them to the boss of course. And a whole bunch of people asking where I’m from and then immediately regretting it. I’m guessing I shouldn’t bring Welshcakes into the office.

-Wyn