I’ve been wanting to upgrade my supervillain lair for quite some time now, and given I’m running for Premier of Victoria, this seems like a good time. I’ll probably do most of my campaign business there, so it’s the logical choice to make it look a bit nicer. I know I only bought this castle six months ago, and it was great at the time, considering I was doing my supervillain work in my mother’s attic before. But the basement of this castle really isn’t up to standards for a graduate of the Supervillain Training Academy. Time for a bit of a remodel.

The first thing I’m going to do is put a kitchen in my supervillain lair. Sometimes when you’re coming up with ideas for taking over an entire city, you get a bit peckish. Usually, I have to head all the way upstairs to make myself a sandwich, and I’m getting sick of it. Time to get the best kitchen design business around Melbourne in here to help me come up with something perfect. I’m thinking a lot of black marble or obsidian, to really emphasise the fact that I’m an evil scientist to be reckoned with.

People have been asking me why I decided to run for Premier of Victoria in the first place. I’m not exactly raking in the dollars with this evil scientist gig, so I thought I’d go for something a bit more profitable, while still being in the approved list of evil jobs, as set by the STA. They’ll actually take my degree away if I don’t stay in an evil job. So this way, I get to keep my degree and have the money to fund my kitchen renovations. Melbourne residents are going to love me as their premier, anyway. I literally cannot be worse than Premier Norris.

Really, I had to choose between politics and law, because they are the only decently paying evil jobs out there. I suppose I could have gone into the music business with a record company, but I’m not that evil. Likewise with becoming one of the people who decides which microtransactions go in video games. That’s just horrible.

– Dr Dark McBane