How does one even begin to set the right scene for pyramid sales? Before you start getting ideas, I’m not talking about pyramid schemes. I’m talking about the actual sale of actual pyramids. Are you following? No, not the pyramids in Egypt. The company I work for manufactures small desktop pyramids made of some kind of weird resin, which it passes off as an extraterrestrial mineral that protects against 5G. I’m on the sales team; hence, my job can aptly be described as ‘pyramid sales’.

That brings me back to my question, which concerns how, precisely, to create a workspace that facilitates this absurd task. It’s not like there’s a salesroom – the boss is having none of that – or even an online shop front. Yes, you heard that right. It’s all done over the phone, and I really think it could be done better if the workspace was just a little more… well, tailored to the purpose.

You’d think this company would be more on the pulse in terms of office space interiors, Melbourne being the national capital of design and all. Yet here I am, crowded into a dimly lit room packed to the rafters with teetering stacks of old paperwork and mysterious filing cabinets that nobody seems to have the keys for. It’s essentially a glorified broom closet, and one that hasn’t been cleaned out for decades at that.

It does the job at a basic level, but when it comes down to it, any sales made in here are made in spite of the work environment. I think I’ve got a strong enough case here to bring it up with HR, although I’m told I should expect them to prioritise new office fitouts for Melbourne employees. It’s all about the Sydney offshoot now, apparently, and Melbourne is having to take a back seat.

Well, from what I can tell, it’s been taking a back seat since before I was born, but I don’t want to make a huge deal out of it. I just want to be able to get from the door to my desk without tripping over a cable with unclear origins.