I can’t believe my family’s winning streak on Family Fight is over. We’ve been on the show for two-hundred straight episodes, using our excellent knowledge of people and things to dominate the show. We’d amassed billions of dollars in prize money, risking it all and doubling our overall pool at the end of each episode. We were going to take the money without risking it next week, but thanks to our final episode, that money is gone! And now the debt collectors will be after me, for all the loans we took out with the prize money we were going to earn. I don’t have a cent to pay them. Guess I can kiss my legs goodbye.

This is all Grand Dinner’s fault, along with the show’s producers. They rigged the whole thing to kick us off, I’m sure of it. They didn’t want to pay us however many billions, maybe even trillions, we had earned. They knew we were going to take the money and leave the show gracefully soon, so they staged a coup. Not once in the show’s history has there been a question about office glass tinting near Melbourne. Not once! And all of a sudden there are two of them, when the opposing family just happens to know about that topic. Coincidence? I think not!

I think it’s time to pack my suitcase and steal away to the Bahamas with my family before the debt collectors arrive. I’m not letting them take my legs, or my arms, or whatever they threaten me with. Maybe they’ll threaten to throw me through a commercial decorative window. That would be quite ironic. I hear debt collectors do have a sense of irony and poetry. 

My family will obviously go into hiding for a while, but someday I’m going to come back here and make the Family Fight crew pay for what they’ve done. This whole situation stinks of a conspiracy. There’s no way those questions were a coincidence. For all I know, the Riley family may not even be real contestants. Maybe they are actors who were specifically chosen to kick my family off. And now we’re on the run! Well, I’ll get my revenge eventually.